AToN Center Addiction Treatment in San
Diego, CA |acceptance

The Peace of Recovery

Life can be chaotic even without substance use, let’s just be honest about it. When we add substance abuse, as well as the reasons that we drink or do drugs, our lives can just feel like a disaster inside and out, despite our best attempts at keeping ourselves together. It can seem like peace is impossible to find. However, it does not need to be impossible. We can find peace in our own recovery, even amidst all the turmoil.

Looking within Ourselves

Sometimes we spend so much of our lives looking for peace from the outside, we can neglect the true source of peace, which is within us. Sometimes, what is inside of us hurts so much, we intentionally look to outside sources for anything that will stop the pain, or at least distract us from it for a while. Often, this is how we begin our substance abuse. That is never the way to peace, though.

When we search inside ourselves, we can find the reasons why we turned to substance use in the first place and then address those directly. There are so many different reasons that we may have started drinking or using drugs, including past trauma, loss, a co-occurring mental health condition, and more. Identifying our own personal “eye of the storm” and neutralizing it can help us gain more peace in our lives.

Accepting Who We Are

Peace can also come through acceptance. The storms of guilt, shame, blame and many more only serve to create more emotional chaos within us. When there is chaos within is, we create and are drawn to the chaos outside of us. If we do not accept who we are and harbor guilt and shame, we will also attract those things from the outside.

Accepting who we are is the willingness to look ourselves in the mirror and accept ourselves as-is, at that moment, and shove aside the voices of guilt and shame. We can accept who we are without adding on the negative self-talk, the internal or external shame. Who we are, right here, right now, as-is. When we are okay with ourselves in the mirror, then we can calmly make choices about what we want to change.

Loving Ourselves Enough to Change

While in the midst of substance abuse, we do more self-loathing than self-loving. Part of entering into recovery is learning to love ourselves. We don’t have to love our negative behaviors, just love ourselves enough to realize that we can change our behaviors. Truly practicing self-love is a big part of finding peace. 

Ways to Find Peace in Recovery

There are also specific tools we can use to find peace in recovery:

• Mindfulness and Meditation – Mindfulness is the state of mind in which we are present and in the moment and also accepting without judgment of whatever is in that moment. There are many types of meditation, however, mindfulness meditation involves using meditation techniques of clearing our minds to then reach a state of mindfulness. Together, they help us to physically and mentally achieve a peaceful state and help us to know how to access it more and more often the more we practice.

• Yoga – the art of breathing and meditation combined with simple physical poses called Yoga is now widely used for both exercise and relaxation. Yoga originated as part of spiritual discipline, however, it has become a non-denominational tool for people to clear their minds and bodies and help find peace and focus.

• Time for Ourselves – One of the reasons peace is so elusive is that when we live in crisis, we forget to stay grounded, to make sure that our needs are being met. Taking time for ourselves on a daily basis, even if it is just 15 minutes, helps us to stay centered and gives us more peace so that we have more to give to the world.

Keeping the Peace

We have all had peaceful moments. Times when we were relaxed, content, and just at peace. Too often, when we have substance use, those moments are fleeting or non-existent. As we seek treatment and start our recovery journey, we can re-connect with the peace that is within us. We can have more of these moments, which can transform not only our lives but who we are. Because when the storms die down, we can see more clearly and do so much more.

The real trick is in not just finding, but also keeping that peace. It is too easy to let the storms creep back in, even if we are sober. When we develop good habits of self-care, including regular mindfulness meditation, yoga, and taking time for ourselves, then we can keep the storms of crisis at bay. The more we practice our recovery, the more peace we have.

Living with substance use can feel like we are constantly in the eye of the storm. That we are perpetually in crisis, relentless waves of pain and chaos, and there is not even one moment of peace. You don’t have to live like that anymore. Find your recovery, find your peace. You can love and accept yourself. You can find tools to help you keep the storms at bay, even when life itself gets stormy. Make the call today to help you unleash healing peace in your life. 

Find the peace that only recovery can bring you. Call AToN Center at (888) 813-5928 now. 

How Can I Love Myself Again?

Substance use can damage us in ways we never anticipated. On the surface, there are behaviors we exhibit and the mistakes we make cost us our finances, jobs, and relationships. We feel the changes in our bodies and our minds. The most significant damage, however, is that we lose the ability to love ourselves. Even if we enter treatment, how can we ever love ourselves again?

Falling in Love

Just like meeting someone else and falling in love, we need to give ourselves the opportunity to love ourselves again. This begins when we make the decision to seek treatment for our substance abuse. It is scary, maybe even terrifying, to think of the process it may take to love oneself again. It is also a process full of excitement. Getting into treatment can be the beginning of a beautiful and wonderful relationship with ourselves.

By making the choice to begin our recovery journey, we are showing ourselves that we have the capacity to love ourselves, although it may not seem quite that romantic. Even if we were strongly advised to seek treatment, agreeing and committing to begin our recovery shows that we love ourselves enough to be brave and open our hearts once again.

Opening Our Hearts

When we are open to accepting who we are, we truly open our hearts to love and feel again. Society and others may judge us for our behavior and experience while we are in our use. We tend to do that, too, and often judge ourselves more harshly than anyone else. However, as we begin the journey of recovery and learn to love ourselves again, we gain acceptance: being willing to take ourselves as-is, no judgments about our past or behaviors. We simply look in the mirror and see who we are. We learn to just be.

Acceptance does not give us permission to continue doing harmful things to ourselves or others. We can be responsible for our actions without assigning more guilt or shame to ourselves. Acceptance simply allows us to be okay with what we have done in order for us to move past our past transgressions. We open our hearts to growth and love, as well as the ability to love and be loved by others, too.

Forgiving Ourselves

When we feel damaged and broken, it is hard to rid ourselves of the guilt and shame of what we did when we used substances. There is freedom in forgiveness, though. When we have looked into our hearts and have seen that we are actually wonderful, then we can choose to forgive ourselves for the things in our past.

We don’t need to justify or rationalize our behaviors, just be willing to look at ourselves, accept our circumstance, then desire to heal from our past. One of the best parts of this process is the possibility of changing our behaviors going forward. We can acknowledge what we have done, make peace with it, then show true forgiveness by choosing a new path going forward. Forgiving ourselves and living in recovery shows a deep love for ourselves.

Showing Up 

Waking up every day and re-committing to our recovery is the way to show up in our own lives. As we show up and do the work, our hearts grow and we can realize that showing up each day is love. The gift of recovery is one of the greatest acts of self-love that we can give ourselves.

Showing up in our lives and in our recovery demonstrates a belief in ourselves that exhibits an even more intense for ourselves. We are living our love for ourselves each day, by actually embodying the love that we have, growing within us and shaping our future. 

Love Is in the Air

One of the most significant by-products of the recovery process is a massive increase in love we have for ourselves. Without doing anything drastic, we have learned a new way of life. Just by giving ourselves the best, most authentic effort to heal from substance abuse, we have regained self-love. By focusing on our healing, our hearts heal and we can learn to love the person that looks back at us in the mirror.

We don’t always get a partner, or friends, or our family back. We may not get the job back, or the rest of the stuff that we may have lost during our substance use. That is the nature of substance use and the long term impacts that it can have on our lives. However, we can gain acceptance, forgiveness and self-love. Those gifts to ourselves will allow us to heal from our pain and empower us to create new happiness in our lives. When we love ourselves, we have more room than ever before for love in our hearts. Whether that is love for other people, for what we do, or the world around us, we can achieve more happiness than we could have ever imagined.

Wherever we are, no matter how much pain, no matter how broken we are, there is always the decision to open our hearts and love ourselves again. When we forgive ourselves and others, accept who we are, and show up for recovery, we create the opportunity for a loving new relationship with ourselves. We can allow others to love us again, too. The opportunities for love and healing in recovery are endless. Begin your journey today. You deserve to be loved and to love yourself. 

You can love yourself again. Give yourself the gift of self-love in recovery. Call AToN Center at (888) 813-5928 today.

How Can I Be Strong When I Feel So Worthless?

When it comes to seeking treatment for substance use disorder, we are often at our lowest mentally and physically. We may have made some big mistakes, and likely lack control of our lives. We can feel anything from downhearted to broken to completely worthless. Yet the decision to seek help for substance use and begin our recovery takes tremendous strength. The question arises: “How can I be strong when I feel so worthless?”

Taking the First Step

Sometimes, the first step feels like a last resort. In some cases, we are encouraged by friends and family, even sometimes by work or court order.  Everyone takes that first step for different reasons, but in all cases, that first step is an act of strength. It means we are strong enough to surrender, strong enough to do the right thing, whether it was our idea or not. We may not feel strong, but there is strength in admitting that we need help, and can no longer do what we have been doing on our own. 

That first step is so important because even if we feel worthless, we have shown others and ourselves that we are worth helping. There is strength in taking this first step and demonstrates that we believe in ourselves enough to want a change in our lives.

Believing in Ourselves

We draw strength when we believe in ourselves and our worth, perhaps more strongly than we initially thought was possible. It may not start with the conscious affirmation, “I believe in myself,” but rather a willingness to accept that we are worth recovering. Slowly but surely, this willingness to accept belief in ourselves grows when we succeed at each little step. Making the call. Entering treatment. Completing detox. At each landmark on our road to recovery, we demonstrate a growing belief in ourselves and our ability to succeed in not only recovery but at life as well.

As we enter therapy, we begin to learn new habits and skills. We may often exceed our expectations of what we thought we were capable of, transforming our once worthless feelings of self into even greater belief in self. As we are recovering from our substance use and start to healing, we begin to see the change in mindset. We look in the mirror one morning and realize that little by little we have built belief in ourselves where there was none. Even if we do not say it out loud, our experiences and successes in recovery help us to realize that we can do this, all of it, even if it’s one day or one hour at a time.

Increasing Our Self-Worth

Often we measure our self-worth by our actions and how they are perceived by those around us. When we are doing well, we celebrate by using substances. When we inevitably cause harm or are not our best selves, we drink and use to feel better about ourselves. This process is a repetitive and unproductive cycle; the more we use a substance, the more wreckage we cause, the more wreckage we cause, the more we want to try to feel good again. The cycle continues until we are drinking or using just to try to feel okay with ourselves. There is a reason our self-worth drops in doing this: It is often one step forward, and two steps back.

When we begin treatment, however, we have so many successes to celebrate and so much productivity as we start our recovery. Each hour we stay sober in the beginning is a triumph. Then comes the breakthroughs in therapy, our physical fitness improves, we start eating healthier and our bodies feel so much better. When we are not clouded by substances, and the wreckage that follows in their wake, we can do so much more every day. Just knowing that all of the people helping us in our recovery can make us feel like we are worth the work, helping us to realize our own self-worth. When we are physically and mentally able to focus on things other than our substance use each day, we remember all of the good qualities in us and realize what others around us can see: that we have great worth.

Being Confident in Our Own Strength

The further we progress on our recovery path, we start to realize that we are strong. We believe in ourselves, we have self-worth, and we have enough strength to get out of bed each day. We can put one foot in front of another, and do things we may have once thought were too hard for us. We are strong, and getting stronger. Each day we realize that we did have strength all along, but that every day we worked in our recovery, our strength grew that much more. We can have confidence in our abilities knowing that we are brave and strong. 

Those of us in recovery can vividly remember the feelings of worthlessness we had while using substances. We also know that those feelings were not the truth. No matter who we are, no matter what we have done, each of us has great worth. We may not feel strong, but we are strong enough to resign from our old ways and get help. As we believe in ourselves and our confidence grows, we learn that we are strong. Find your worth, confidence and strength. You deserve to see what others see in you. You are strong. 

You are stronger than you know. You are worth finding your self-worth again. Call AToN Center at (888) 813-5928 today.

How Can I Regain Respect and Trust?

We all have times when our words or actions hurt others, or we have broken someone’s trust. Unfortunately, when we use substances, our mistakes are often repeated, and sometimes on a larger scale. Or maybe we did something embarrassing that we wish we could undo. When we repeatedly hurt others or lose their trust, it can be difficult for them to forgive us. We might even lose their trust and respect. As we become sober and look around at the people in our lives, an important question arises: How can I regain respect and trust?

Losing Shame

We may have heard the phrase “saving face.” It means to save ourselves from embarrassment or loss of respect. However, if we did not “save face” and are well past that, then we should look to “losing shame.” Shame is defined by the Oxford Dictionary as “a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.” We messed up, and we are painfully aware of it. Sometimes, it takes others to make us aware of doing something wrong and then we feel shame, but often we feel shame on our own.

There are two parts to shame, our natural desire to “fit in” and adherence to a spoken or unspoken moral code within society that tells us what is acceptable. Both are based on expectations from others, whether real or perceived. So in actuality, we are feeling bad because of what we perceive others expect from us. When broken down like that, it doesn’t sound as bad.

However, holding onto shame doesn’t help us. It can prevent us from seeking healing from our substance use, and it can monopolize our emotions. Shame may help us to recognize when we are outside of moral or societal norms, but it usually does more harm than good. It is always in our best interest to lose our shame. It is the first step to regaining the respect and trust of others.

Accepting the Past

The mistakes we make while under the influence can be relatively small or they can be life-changing and massive. But the one thing that they all have in common is that they happened. They are in the past. We cannot change what we did when we were sober, so we definitely cannot change what we did when we were using our substances. It may be painful to accept the pain we have caused others or even the humiliation we may have brought on to ourselves. But no matter what our past is, it does not need to define who we are today or in the future. Holding onto the past does not help anyone. But accepting the past helps us to start the healing and to seek respect and trust from others.

Forgiving Ourselves

Watching the pain or tears on the faces of those we love when we know we hurt them can bring up very powerful negative emotions and self-talk. That is a normal reaction when we have hurt or disappointed people in our lives. However, it takes courage to accept whatever we have done and look in the mirror and be able to forgive ourselves. We can still accept responsibility for what we have done. And we can do whatever we believe we need to do to make amends if we can. But until we are able to look at ourselves and truly forgive ourselves, we will never fully be able to move on. And until we have forgiven ourselves, we will not have the respect and trust of others again.

Changing Our Ways

One big aspect of losing someone’s trust is based on repeated behaviors. For example, if we tell a family member that we are just going for one drink and come back six hours later having had a lot more, we break trust. But when we do it consistently for a long period of time, then we lose trust. In order to earn trust back, we can live authentically, showing that we have changed, doing what we said we would, keeping all of our commitments. Whether it be at home, in the workplace, or somewhere else, when we become sober and we do what we said we would do, we can regain the respect and trust we may have lost.

Communicate Effectively

It is so important to communicate effectively, especially with those that we love. We can share how we felt in losing their trust, own up to whatever we did to harm them and ask them for forgiveness. They may not offer forgiveness, at least not right away. It often takes time for people to heal, time spent watching us, wondering if we have really changed this time. But if we keep the lines of communication open throughout the process, regaining respect and trust is possible.

We can regain respect and trust by transforming ourselves and demonstrating the change consistently. But it will only be effective if we have removed our shame and forgiven ourselves. AToN Center professionals know how to rebuild trust and earn respect again. They can help you through the entire process. You don’t need to wallow in shame or live in the past. By healing yourself and gaining your own self-respect and trust back, you can earn the respect and trust of others once again.  

Regain respect and trust in yourself. AToN Center can show you the way. Call (888) 813-5928 to begin mending the relationships in your life.

Learn Self Soothing and Calming Techniques

Learn self-soothing and Calming Techniques

At AToN Center, one of our goals is to teach our residents tools that they can continue to use after they have discharged.  By the time our residents discharge, they have learned cognitive behavioral therapy, relapse prevention skills and assertiveness techniques.

They have also been exposed to meditation and other stress management tools.  Some of our residents participate in Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR) if determined to be appropriate based on clinical need.  In the “Preparation” phase of EMDR, our residents are taught self soothing and calming techniques.

Here is a technique that anyone can use.  It is from Francine Shapiro’s book, Getting Past Your Past:  Take Control of Your Life with Self-Help Techniques from EMDR Therapy.  It is called the Spiral Technique (found on page 108).

If you are experiencing upset or discomfort, try the following:

Bring up an image that represents your discomfort.

As you think of the image that represents it, notice where you feel the disturbance in your body.

Now pretend that the feeling is “energy.”  If it was a spiral of energy, which direction is it moving in:  clockwise or counterclockwise?

Now, with your mind, gently change the direction of the spiral in your body.  For instance, if it was originally moving clockwise, gently change it to counterclockwise.

Notice what happens to the feelings in your body.  For many people, their feelings will lessen as they change the direction of the spiral.  If one direction didn’t work, try the other direction and see if it lessens the disturbance.  If this has been helpful, practice this regularly so it becomes a stronger coping skill for you!

As always, please take care of yourselves and maintain contact with your treatment providers!

Cassandra Cannon, Ph.D.
Clinical Director
AToN Center 888-535-1516

Leaving Treatment

When leaving treatment here at AToN Center we think of it as building a plan to protect your investment, your life. We begin planning for departure early on and think of all of the areas of life that need attention.

We look at the living situation, do residents need sober housing or is their current situation at home safe and supportive? Sober living homes can provide a safer transition back into the reality of life’s stressors and give support where one may need it.

Is it appropriate to follow up with Intensive Outpatient Programming? We refer to many outpatient programs in the area and outside the area to have continuity of care and follow up with addiction specific treatment for the next phase of recovery.

We encourage appointments to be scheduled prior to leaving AToN with outpatient providers such as Primary Care Physician, Psychiatrist, Individual Therapy, and Family Therapy when needed.

We look at whether or not someone may need other supportive providers such as Sober Coaching or Companions and Holistic Providers. Also considered is a weekly commitment to community meetings such as 12 Step, SMART Recovery, Refuge Recovery, or Lifering meetings.

We also offer Aftercare which includes weekly calls from clinicians, a weekly aftercare group meeting on Saturday, and other functions hosted by AToN Center.

We ask our residents to fill out a schedule outlining what a week at a glance will look like post treatment as often people struggle to transition back into life after treatment.

We believe that it is just as important, if not more, to maintain the work you are doing after residential treatment as the treatment is itself.

Stay on the Path, Enjoy the Journey

Kristin Colton, CADC II, CATC II
Addiction Counselor
AToN Center 888-535-1516

Addiction is Not a Moral Failing

Addiction is not a moral failing - Enjoy LifeFebruary, 2016.  I’m in a bus in the jungles of Mexico on my way to Mayan ruins in Bonampak.  I’m sitting next to a delightful woman who has lived an adventurous exciting life.  She has been scuba diving in the Galapagos Islands and other exotic locations.  It’s clear she lives a life filled with joy.  She is connected to her family and has friends all over the world.  Her energy is infectious and I know we are going to be friends for a long time after this.  She asks me what I do for a living, and I explain that I work at AToN Center.  She gives the biggest smile and pulls out a 25 year an AA chip with “25 years” stamped on it.

My new friend is a perfect example of how there IS life after rehab and it can be spectacular!  I asked her what the most helpful thing she learned in treatment and her response has stayed with me:  “When I learned that I wasn’t a bad person, that this wasn’t a moral failing – that I needed to treat this like a medical condition, something changed.  I realized that heart disease and diabetes aren’t moral failings and I needn’t embrace the stigma that addiction carries.”

Here at AToN Center we want you to know that there IS a wonderful life ahead of you in recovery and hope you can take this example of a type of future that can await you!

Cassandra Cannon, Ph.D. 
Clinical Director
AToN Center 888-535-1516

Building Trust

Trust in Addiction Recovery, Building TrustIn a relationship affected by substance use, trust is one of the largest casualties. Loved ones often go through significant worry and anxiety while an addicted person is using. Not only that, but they have often been lied to, concealed from, or even had their rights violated. And some have heard vows to get or stay sober before, so these promises can start to become less and less convincing. So then how can trust be rebuilt once an addicted person enters into recovery?

Slowly. This will take time. Remember how long it took to break that trust, and for how long it has been broken. The important thing is to stick to your new trustworthy path.

Empathy. Expressing empathy gives loved ones a sense that you do understand what they have been going through, too. It gets you out of your own head and into what others have been experiencing, and what they need. It is also a starting place for re-building connection and intimacy.

Trust-worthy actions. Of course a loved one is going to need to see that you don’t use. But this isn’t about what you don’t do. It’s about what you do: honesty, productivity, active involvement in therapy or support groups, taking on extra responsibilities, or all of the above. If you don’t know what you need to do, ask.

Accept responsibility. This also means accepting the consequences – within reason, of course. If a loved one feels the need to ask questions about where you have been, to set boundaries, or to monitor the finances extra closely, acting defensive will only fuel the fire of mistrust. Accepting the consequences gracefully and taking responsibility for your recovery will go a long way in showing that you can be trustworthy.

And remember again, it takes time. If you or your loved one need help with rebuilding trust, you might also consider seeing a therapist or talking to someone who can give you another perspective. People do find long term recovery, and so do relationships.

Kirsten Helgager, PsyD
Psychologist
AToN Center 888-535-1516

Allowing the Loss

When one transitions from active addiction into recovery there is an amount of loss and gain that is happening. As we allow the loss to take place, we honor all that is lost, make meaning out of the situation, and try not to judge ourselves or our feelings. In doing so, we make room for much to be gained.

Going through the 5 stages of grief, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, helps us to process and identify where we are and where we need to go.

This is not an easy task but one worth the effort if we want to find true freedom from addiction.

Gaining joy, fulfillment, purpose, a deep ability to care for others and a life worth living are just a few of the benefits experienced in recovery.

When we allow for the loss we make room for the gain. Much like breathing, in with the new, out with the old.

Learning not to fight the process is only the beginning.

Kristin Colton, CATC II
Chemical Dependency Counselor
AToN Center 888-535-1516

Emotional Sobriety In Recovery

Emotional Sobriety

The struggle of daily life can seem insurmountable when people are unable to handle their emotions. A shortage of emotional maturity can make satisfaction a hard commodity to come by. This also makes it more likely that maladaptive coping skills such as substance misuse will be utilized to cope with the discomfort. Relying on drugs and alcohol to cope with negative emotions halts emotional growth and development.

 
This is why there is a focus in early recovery on continued emotional development, or emotional sobriety. A failure to develop this emotional sobriety makes it difficult for an individual to rebuild coping skills outside of drugs and alcohol. Unpleasant emotions are a part of life, so learning healthy coping skills is paramount to continued recovery from addiction.
 
The ability to manage feelings positively is a hallmark of emotional sobriety. An emotionally sober person is no longer held captive by negative emotions. They are able to ‘feel their feelings’ and maintain a sense of serenity at the same time without the urge to escape into substance misuse.
 
A key to emotional sobriety is learning to keep acceptance high and expectations low of the people, places and things that come into an individual’s life. When an expectation is not met, it leaves the door open for resentment and other negative emotions. Acceptance means living in the reality of a situation or problem and making a choice to find the best solution or response. There is a great deal of empowerment and peace in choosing to come from a place of acceptance.
 
One of the foundations at the AToN Center is ‘Manage Emotions’ which fosters the development of emotional sobriety in a multitude of ways. There are recovery studies on Codependency, The Role of Values, Building Sober Support, Entitlement, Frustration Tolerance and Honesty in Recovery. We also offer psychology groups that help build emotional sobriety such as Core Beliefs, Rationalizations for Use, Empathy, CBT on Emotions and Self-Esteem.
 
The development of emotional sobriety is a process that takes time and patience. But the pay off is a newfound sense of serenity and confidence in the ability to manage uncomfortable emotions without the use of drugs and alcohol to escape.
 
AToN Center 888-535-1516

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