Dr Chad K Cox

The “Should” Statement

January 31, 2018 // by Aton Center

The “Should” statement. One of my duties at the AToN Center is to teach our residents to connect their thinking to their emotions and behaviors. One dysfunctional thought pattern that often arises is the “should” statement. Examples of this include “I should be sober by now, I shouldn’t have had that drink, people should treat me with more respect.” Other examples include the words “have to, ought to, must, supposed to.”

Though at the initial glance these may appear as benevolent statements of one’s values, when you take a closer look, these statements often represent hyper critical mandates and unrealistic expectations.

The “should” will often make you feel guilt, shame and that mistakes are worthy of harsh punishment. A comment like “I should be sober by now” could make you feel so negatively about your drinking that you might ironically continue to drink to cope with the guilt. Defeating the “should” means on one side taking ownership for mistakes by saying “right now I’m drinking and using and I don’t feel good about that…” and also allowing for the possibility that things can get better “…and I can to do something about it today.”

It will be uncomfortable owning up unhealthy choices, but if this can be accepted with out shame or guilt, you will have the opportunity to make a healthier choice. Instead of living in “I should really get some help,” practice “I’m going to pick up the phone and call someone right now.”

All the Best,
Dr. Chad K. Cox PsyD
AToN Center 888-535-1516

Drugs and Emotions in Sustaining Sobriety

November 6, 2017 // by Aton Center

Emotional Regulation is a key factor in sustaining sobriety. Recently, at the AToN Center, I have been working with a patient whose difficulties in keeping his feelings into some kind of manageable state lead to relapse after relapse. He discussed how when he would have a problem with a co-worker that he would feel overwhelmed, flooded, wouldn’t know what to do and would turn to alcohol.

At other times, he would just stuff the emotions, openly try to just tell himself to “shut up” and would again need to turn to the alcohol to numb out. The work is to find the balance. It’s like keeping a teeter totter balanced right in the middle. Validate your emotions, know that they are there for a reason and, I stress the word, AND, know that the reason for them is not always that logical. In this way he has started to learn to have his feelings but that they did not have the last word. He does.

Chad K. Cox, PsyD
AToN Center
888-535-1516

Relationships and Recovery

May 25, 2017 // by Aton Center

As a Psychologist at the AToN Center I often assist our residents explore how their relationships will be affected by their recovery. When a person is in the thick of their addiction they can have relationships where they hide their self-destructive behaviors from others. On the opposite side, an addict may have developed a number of relationships that center around the drug use.

A primary part of treatment at AToN Center is to investigate how the social dynamic has become intertwined in the addiction. When a person decides they are finally ready to change and learn to fight their addiction this will almost always mean changes in their relationships.

I spend a good deal of time teaching assertiveness techniques and communication skills to help facilitate this social transition. Once a person is working towards their sobriety they may then need to get the courage to take a step back from relationships which might imperil their recovery. This can be as difficult as letting go of the drugs themselves but will help you avoid negative influences.

Using assertiveness can also help to share the problems that you are facing with those that will be supportive and helpful. It takes courage to challenge your relationships but often this will help improve intimacy and create a more positive environment for recovery.

Dr. Chad Cox, Clinical Psychologist
AToN Center 888-535-1516

Pain Vs. Pleasure

March 12, 2017 // by Aton Center

In my work as a Psychologist at the AToN Center with those suffering with addictions I will often discuss the concept of “delay of gratification.” This refers to the idea that in learning how to postpone pleasure or enjoyment so that more benefits can come in the long run. This concept is very relevant to those suffering with addictions. They have become stuck in a cycle of “immediate gratification” through the drugs and alcohol and then end up paying a large cost in the short and long term.

Some AToN Center residents have found it helpful to look at the dynamic between pain and pleasure with the idea that whatever you get first, you will later get more of the second. This means that if you get the euphoria from substances, then there will be the pain shortly there after and mounting negative consequences in the long run. Compare this with choosing to take the discomfort of going to the gym up front, but then being rewarded afterwards with more energy and in the long run with better health.

Receiving treatment can also be immediately less fun in the short run, but can lead to more stability, better health and improved relationships. To learn greater delay of gratification can be difficult but the hopes are that your struggles will be rewarded many times over.

Dr. Chad K. Cox PsyD
AToN Center 888-535-1516

Beware the Curve Ball In Recovery

March 7, 2017 // by Aton Center

Beware the Curve-ball

In teaching Psychology skills at the AToN center to prevent relapse, I often help residents identify specific situations they have experienced in the past that lead to relapse. People in recovery can often anticipate seeing the friend you used to drink with, avoiding the neighborhood where you bought drugs, the family member that “drives you to drink.”

However, beware of the curve-ball. In working on maintaining recovery there is likely to be a incident or issue that you did not see coming. Could be an old acquaintance contacting you, a sudden loss of business, a car accident or sprained knee. All of a sudden you are in a novel situation that you did not anticipate and it is threatening your recovery.

In taking a skill based approach to recovery the good news is that once these skills are learned, practiced and implemented you will be much more prepared for the different contingencies that can occur. You may not always know what tactics the addiction will use to try to bring you back into its grasp, but you will have many more tools and tactics at your disposal.

Chad K. Cox, PsyD

AToN Center 888-535-1516

Developing Coping Strategies

February 6, 2017 // by Aton Center

At the AToN Center, one of my roles is to conduct a “Psychology Group” with our residents. During one of these groups I engaged our residents in a brainstorming session to develop their coping strategies for cravings.

I stood at the dry erase board, had the residents yell out different things they would do rather than use and I furiously scribbled them down. Within about 5 minutes we developed an extensive list which included…

Walking, running, driving, yoga, walking the dog, throwing a ball against a wall, shooting basketball hoops, asking for a hug, calling a friend, calling another friend, calling a sponsor, calling a family member, calling a crisis line, deep breathing, meditating, preying, relaxation techniques, screaming into a pillow, crying, taking a shower, hot tub, sauna, swim, playing video games, solitaire, a crossword, doing Sudoku, eating a cheeseburger, eating an apple, drinking a glass of water, getting a massage, doing the dishes, laundry, cleaning out the car, starting a campfire, roasting marshmallows, listening to music, watching a funny movie, watching a sad movie, distraction techniques, cooking, shopping, reading, etc. etc. etc.

This wasn’t even the whole list. The point to the exercise is that there are options. Many, many options for coping, other than using drugs and alcohol. Take a little time and use your imagination.

Chad K. Cox, PsyD

AToN Center 888-535-1516

Living In Denial

January 22, 2017 // by Aton Center

There is a paradox to denial that is often confronted in treatment. How do you know if you are in denial? What happens if you deny that you are in denial? What if you have been controlled by others in the past and feel that being confronted is another attempt to destroy your sense of autonomy?

In my work at the AToN Center I have seen how our approach is to meet the resident right where they are. Our program is based on abstinence from substances of abuse and dependence but at the same time we do not create a therapeutic environment of disrespect where we tell people how they are supposed to live their lives. We offer assistance to those who are struggling with their addictions, but this is done with respect for that individuals’ intelligence and free will.

In my role as a psychologist I assume that each individual is an authority on themselves but also ask that they have an open mind. For a person to grow and change it requires acknowledgement of the individuals role in the problem and the desire for improvement. Ultimately, it is up to you to decide if you are in denial. If you reach this conclusion, know that there are mighty forces willing to support and fight for you.

Chad K. Cox, PsyD
ATON Center 888-535-1516

Imagine Sobriety

January 18, 2017 // by Aton Center

There is a fascinating phenomenon I often observe in clients at the AToN Center as they progress in their drug and alcohol treatment in California. Often our residents have been using drugs or drinking for such a long period of time that they have forgotten what it feels like to do activities when sober. Accompanying intoxication or high becomes incorporated into all of life’s activities. Going to the movies, dinner, sleeping, socializing, and working all become intertwined with the effects of drugs. However, being in treatment starts to show them how sobriety feels again.

For example, anxiety and fear can arise that they won’t sleep with out using. Often there is initial difficulty sleeping as the chemicals are leaving the system. However, after a few days or weeks with practicing good sleeping habits, residents often notice that for the first time in years they go to sleep without using and are surprised to wake up feeling refreshed. Residents sometimes also believe that they can only be social when drinking.

However, residents at AToN often find themselves laughing hysterically at a game or activity with other residents and realize they are having fun while being completely sober. Though your habit may be to continue to use and drink thinking it is managing your lifestyle, try imagining a day filled with enjoyment and fun while you are sober. It can happen!

Chad K. Cox, PsyD
AToN Center 888-535-1516

Anger and Blame

January 4, 2017 // by Aton Center

Often in my work with addiction at our drug and alcohol treatment center in San Diego, I see clients fall into traps with anger and blame. Many times people will describe a person or event that “caused” them to drink. This can be in the form of “I wouldn’t drink if only girlfriend wouldn’t be so mean” or “My boss is such a jerk, anyone would drink in my seat.” These thoughts focus the cause of the drinking externally and lead to a bright anger or a grinding resentment.

The individual can then feel “justified” in having their drink because someone else “made me do it.” It can be hard to take responsibility for one’s behaviors and even harder to own one’s feelings. But in doing so a person will gain a larger amount of self-control. They will become less reactive to difficult situations and find that their anger will resolve itself sooner as legitimate needs are addressed. Sympathy can certainly be hard for dealing with a difficult person or situation but remembering that you can be empowered to manage yourself and your feelings will decrease the pressure to drink and use.

Chad K. Cox PsyD
AToN Center, Drug and Alcohol Treatment in San Diego 888-535-1516

Bridges

November 13, 2012 // by Aton Center

Bridges

Success and Failure Road Sign with dramatic clouds and sky.

In the counseling that I provide as a Psychologist at the AToN Center I am often looking for the connections between the skills that are being learned and how these will be applied in the real world.

It is much easier to avoid drinking and using while you are staying at a residential treatment facility where there is a supportive staff and counselors around to provide structure. When teaching skills or techniques though I am looking for how these apply to the real world.

Assertiveness skills may in abstract sound like a good idea but residents here are presented with role plays where can practice saying no to a drink at a party. Journaling and thought records sound like good ideas but while in treatment I strongly encourage people to think about how they would use these tools at home. In practicing making time for self-care in treatment, it is more likely this will generalize to the outside world. In the long run, developing a plan for how the lifestyle is going to change after recovery is what is important. The lessons learned and insights gained will eventually need to be applied in specific situations so a person can feel a mastery over their temptations and recovery.

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Dr. Chad K. Cox

Licensed Psychologist

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