family

Help for Co-dependency

December 26, 2017 // by Aton Center

Co-dependency is an emotional and behavioral condition that can affect individuals and families from having healthy, stable relationships. Originally, co-dependency was a term used to describe people who lived with someone who had an addiction. However, today the term is used to describe any dysfunctional family.

Co-dependents are usually people who have low self-esteem and are looking for anything or anyone to make them feel better about themselves. The co-dependent gets a great sense of satisfaction at being needed. However, by trying to take care of others their behavior can become compulsive and detrimental both to themselves and the addict.

Some patterns and characteristics of co-dependent behavior are:

They have difficulty making decisions
They value other people’s approval over their own
They don’t seeing themselves as loveable
They have difficulties handling mistakes and then feel badly about themselves.
They Judge what people say to them and then see it as criticism
They feel that they are never good enough or can do enough to help
They are always trying to please others

Co-dependents don’t see that they are actually preventing the addict or dysfunctional family member from getting the help they need. When the addict or dysfunctional family member never faces the consequences of their action they never get the motivation to change. Many co-dependents don’t realize they are actually doing more harm than good, by believing they are helping when they are actually perpetuating the addict’s behavior.

Help for co-dependency

Family therapy – to help break the unhealthy cycle
Group therapy – to learn new coping skills and to realize that they are not alone
Co-dependency Anonymous (CODA, 12 Step Mtgs.) coda.org
Self-esteem classes
Better boundary settings
Getting help for the addict by calling in an Interventionist and finding a treatment program.

AToN Center 888-535-1516

References:
recovery.org
Coda.org
mentalhealthamerica.net/co-dependency

Sobriety Through the Holiday Season

November 10, 2017 // by Aton Center

The holiday season can be fraught with pitfalls and anxiety for the newly sober person. Suddenly holidays may seem depressing or even frightening. “How do I go to my holiday work party and stay sober?” “How do I spend time with my family??” “What do I do on New Years???” Suddenly it becomes much more clear that the majority of holidays cater to the non-sober crowd. Suddenly the way you celebrate holidays has to change drastically (and in many cases – it must – if you want to live to see more holidays).

At first, this can seem like a major “con” on your “pros/cons” list for sobriety. But remember this. A night without drinking and using may mean that you can wake up the next day without a hangover, without shame or guilt, without trying to piece together what happened the night before. Over time, you will realize that you are actually not “missing out” by choosing a sober lifestyle.

Develop your own sober strategies, but here are a few to get you started: have a glass of something non-alcoholic in your hand, bring a sober friend with you, and remind yourself how good you will feel the next day. Begin creating new holiday traditions that bring you joy, and you will find that you will no longer wonder how to manage the holidays sober – you will look forward to them!

Cassandra Cannon, Ph.D
Licensed Clinical Psychologist – Clinical Director
AToN Center 888-535-1516

Helping Family Members Understand Addiction Recovery

October 28, 2017 // by Aton Center

Family. In my work at the AToN Center I have not just had the pleasure of assisting our residents but also coordinating care with various family members. Here are a few thoughts on how a person in early recovery can more effectively work with and relate to family members. Being in a treatment center provides and opportunity for a greater kind of honesty than one might consider while in the outside world. I do not believe that family members need to “know everything” but receiving care means that one can strive towards a greater honesty about the extent of the addiction.

Family members are often ill informed or ignorant about recovery. Patience is encouraged in first becoming more educated about the nature of addiction yourself and then secondarily making and taking the time to help inform family about the condition. Many times this can be in the form of literature regarding recovery that is written specifically for family members. I universally also encourage family members to get their own support. The mentality of a family member is often “if only they would quit using/drinking then everything would be ok.” This creates an external and passive approach in their lives. I recommend that whatever the form of assistance that they get help for themselves and work to change the mentality away from the person in recovery and instead focus on what boundaries or limits the family member needs to set and maintain themselves.

The largest available resource is Al-Anon but there are many alternative community support groups or professionally lead therapies that can also be very effective. Lastly for things to get better, things will change. Many times family members will have an unintentional resistance to recovery thinking that family members would be better off “quitting on their own” or after treatment being able to “reset and start moderately using/drinking.” Many family members are even so invested in a care taking role that they may not know what to do with themselves when the family member gets sober.

Growing is changing and the more flexibility and tolerance a person can have, the more likely you are to rebuild a healthy and sober connection with others.

Chad K. Cox PsyD
AToN Center 888-535-1516

Dysregulation in addiction and early Sobriety

September 15, 2017 // by Aton Center

An individual making the transition from a life of addiction to recovery faces the task of reorganizing the method in which they live. The influence of addiction on a person’s life can result in a multi-faceted dysregulated experience. Being dysregulated has a wide range of influence on our experience. A person’s emotions can be unpredictable and rapidly changing. Strong emotion can swing from high to lows including problems with anger.

Our relationships grow intense and stressful with an ever present fear of being alone and abandoned. We don’t know where we fit in or who we are. A person can feel empty and easily bored. When a person is dysregulated, behavior can grow impulsive and reckless. A person can act without thinking of consequence. A person can feel disconnected. Thinking is cloudy. A person can develop an experience of numbness and shut down.

Mending this dysregulated experience is greatly supported with the right environment and treatment. The first 30 days of an individual’s sobriety can set the foundation for long lasting sobriety. Essential elements in early treatment will tend to emotions, thinking, relationships, and development of a new self-identity.

Education about therapeutic tools and skills can aid an individual toward mindfully managing difficult emotions. The adjustment in one’s thinking can result in a new trend of effective behaviors. A sober support system is developed from day one. An individual can learn new ways of engaging relationships based on respect. These skills can be applied with friends and family during your healing process.

Community is a priority to combat feeling alone, numb, and disconnected. Overcoming the dysregulation in one’s life exacerbated by addiction involves the entire individuals experience. Treatment should include safety, empathy, and intentionality of treatment determined to care for each unique person in a holistic fashion.

E. Matt Van Dusen PsyD LMFT LAADC
AToN Center 888-535-1516

Tough Love and Your Family

September 7, 2017 // by Aton Center

Considering getting help for a family member with an addiction can be a difficult and painful experience. Sometimes it calls for “Tough Love” which means setting boundaries requiring or promoting the individual to take responsibility for their actions. Often loved ones have trouble with where to begin and have many questions regarding how to help, what is helpful vs enabling, and when to seek professional help.

This is a process that begins with acceptance of the journey ahead and that the more help and collaboration the better. At AToN Center we have an intake department that can help navigate this challenging path as well as trained and skilled clinicians to work closely with your loved one while they are learning a new way of life.

The family can learn to be supportive in many ways as we offer family support sessions to get the process started and recommend continued care to nurture relationships, build trust and begin to reintegrate your loved ones back into life in a safe supported way. Some helpful programs to utilize for family support along with family therapy are Al-Anon, SMART Recovery Family and Friends, and Bily (Because I Love You).

Kristin Colton, CATC II
CD Counselor
AToN Center 888-535-1516

Family and Recovery

July 9, 2017 // by Aton Center

In working with the residents of the AToN Center I often see how their interactions with friends and family members can both improve or detract from a person’s work in recovery.

Many times people are in relationships with others that are using. In this case the decision to get sober is likely to strongly affect the relationship. Many people may even fear that if they get sober that they will loose their relationships altogether.

The difficult truth is that as you change, your relationships are likely to change as well. This can create both distance or increased intimacy, but it is not always clear which one it will be. I am convinced though that when a person makes changes for their own personal betterment and gets sober, that this will lead to better relationship outcomes in the long run.

For example, some people are afraid that they will become a social outcast, but many times people receive encouraging messages that their sobriety has prompted friends and family to consider taking the same step. Putting one’s self at the center of their recovery is the mechanism for their own improvement, while also being able to develop healthy long term relationships with others.

AToN Center 888-535-1516

Be Joyful

December 24, 2014 // by Aton Center

Sometimes we need a little help learning how to embrace joy in where we are at. Being in treatment over the holidays can be challenging. Finding gratitude in the midst of a trying time is something that may not come natural. Some would say we who are afflicted with substance misuse disorders are looking for any reason to drink and use again, well the Holidays are a great one! If we can learn to be joyful in all we have we may have a better chance at staying sober over the holidays.

Some of the thoughts we can embrace are:

“This is one holiday I will remember”

“I get to spend this time with people I am really enjoying getting to know”

“This is my new family and I am creating new sober traditions”

“I am safe for the holiday and will not have to regret my actions this year! “

“My family will be so happy to have me as a sober member, this is the best gift I could give them.”

Some of these statements might be difficult to grasp but in creating joy we need to learn new patterns of thinking that work for our new sober life.

So Joy to the world and to all who dwell in it!

Sincerely,

Kristin Colton CATC II

Chemical Dependency Counselor

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