living sober

Building Assertiveness in Early Sobriety

April 1, 2018 // by Aton Center

People in early recovery often need help developing assertiveness skills. Problems related to caustic relationships, codependency and fear of conflict and criticism must be addressed. Depression, self-loathing and toxic shame add to the complexities of becoming assertive. Dr. Randy J. Peterson’s book, The Assertiveness Workbook is highly recommended to help those needing to learn how to assert themselves.

Dr. Peterson accomplishes building assertiveness by reviewing the four primary communication styles: assertive, passive, aggressive and passive-aggressive. He writes, “Being assertive requires: 1) that you have some very specific skills and 2) that you use these skills when it is appropriate to do so.”

At AToN Center our holistic approach to recovery helps the recovering individual build self-esteem through our Cognitive-Based Theoretical approach, our individual and group sessions and our rich educational curriculum. Our residents benefit from learning to identify the benefits of healthy assertiveness.

When the recovering addict becomes self-aware, goal orientated, physically healthy and appropriately assertive they find themselves happier and more content. Practicing healthy assertive techniques in all relationships allows the sober individual to maintain healthy choices and relationships.

Chris McDuffie
CD Counselor
AToN Center 888-535-1516

Good, Clear Times

February 11, 2018 // by Aton Center

Think back to the good times of your childhood. Images may come to mind such as running around for hours on end in a park playing football with friends. You may remember long bike rides to the ice cream parlor down at the beach. You might think about hiking trips through the forest with camp fires, marshmallows and sunsets. Think of the Pizza Party that was held in class after a recital or performance.

Think of how “in the moment” you were during these times, not a care in the world. You just enjoyed the activity without a thought of tomorrow. In sobriety you can be return back to these experiences. Times can come when you are clear minded, relaxed and engaged in healthy activities with loved ones. It will take work and perseverance to return back to this centered mentality but remember, you did it once, you can do it again.

Chad K. Cox PsyD

AToN Center 888-535-1516

Myths About People in Recovery

November 3, 2017 // by Aton Center

There is a lot of misinformation about people who identify as being in recovery. Here are a few:

Myth: People in recovery are all the same.

Fact: People in recovery vary as much as people impacted by addiction. They have different jobs, socioeconomic statuses, cultures, beliefs, views, and hobbies. They define recovery within the context of their own lives.

Myth: People in recovery don’t have fun.

Fact: People in recovery report high life-satisfaction and joy. They absolutely laugh, have fun, socialize, and enjoy life in a way they did not before. It’s true that initially recovery is challenging and there is a learning curve, but the early struggle can lead to big rewards.

Myth: “Relapse” is always part of recovery.

Fact: While resuming use is part of some people’s addiction stories, it is by no means true for everyone. “ Slips and lapses are not mandatory parts of the process. With appropriate planning and attention, relapse is not a must. If one does start using or drinking again, it can be a brief, discrete event and the person can quickly get back on track.

Myth: People in recovery cannot spend time with people who drink and can only hang out with each other.

Fact: People in recovery can go anywhere and do anything that they want to do. It is advisable that until one feels comfortable and secure, they think carefully about people, places, and things that could jeopardize their recovery, such as bars or “normie” friends. However, each person is free to decide what works and act accordingly. It’s about being conscientious and honest with ones self.

Myth: People in recovery are unreliable.

Fact: People in recovery are committed to a life of personal growth, awareness, and personal responsibility. It is plainly false that they cannot be trusted. The thought that they just “relapse” at any moment, without any warning, is incorrect.

Being an ally to people in recovery involves dispelling myths. These are just a few of the myths you can correct. If you hear misinformation, you can do your part and set the record straight.

AToN Center 888-535-1516

Tough Love and Your Family

September 7, 2017 // by Aton Center

Considering getting help for a family member with an addiction can be a difficult and painful experience. Sometimes it calls for “Tough Love” which means setting boundaries requiring or promoting the individual to take responsibility for their actions. Often loved ones have trouble with where to begin and have many questions regarding how to help, what is helpful vs enabling, and when to seek professional help.

This is a process that begins with acceptance of the journey ahead and that the more help and collaboration the better. At AToN Center we have an intake department that can help navigate this challenging path as well as trained and skilled clinicians to work closely with your loved one while they are learning a new way of life.

The family can learn to be supportive in many ways as we offer family support sessions to get the process started and recommend continued care to nurture relationships, build trust and begin to reintegrate your loved ones back into life in a safe supported way. Some helpful programs to utilize for family support along with family therapy are Al-Anon, SMART Recovery Family and Friends, and Bily (Because I Love You).

Kristin Colton, CATC II
CD Counselor
AToN Center 888-535-1516

The Importance of Balance in Life & Recovery

February 28, 2017 // by Aton Center

Balance. When discussing a group on the topic of Family Dynamics at the AToN center I present a model of parenting that can also be a helpful model for self-management. Researcher Diana Baumrind (1966) developed described different parenting styles and based this model on two variables: Control and Responsiveness. Control refers to how much of the parenting is about the parent’s agenda and direction.

Responsiveness is about how much the parent attends to the child’s desires, needs or wants. The balanced parent offers each of these variables. They are at times disciplining and give firm direction and boundaries. They are also at other times lenient, accommodating and give the child a path towards getting their wants and needs met. As the healthy parent provides these to the child so the addict can provide these to themselves.

Rather than being overly harsh and punitive towards your self and your recovery you can take time to nurture and care for yourself and be forgiving. Rather than continue the seemingly endless indulgences there can also be a self-discipline that puts in the work necessary for a better reward.

Balance in these domains can be difficult but being aware of the integration of the dichotomy can be the first step forward.

Chad K. Cox PsyD PSY23320
AToN Center 888-535-1516

Prescription Opioid and Heroin Epidemic Awareness Week

September 22, 2016 // by Aton Center

Last week President Obama named this week, September 18 through September 24, 2016, as Prescription Opioid and Heroin Epidemic Awareness Week. His intention being to raise awareness to the now well-documented opioid problem continuing to claim lives from our rural towns to our major cities.

The amazing thing it that people are still in denial about this epidemic. Much of the general public still chose to think of this ‘heroin epidemic’ as something that young kids are doing. Many people are still in denial that the high functioning adults who are using heroin and/or dependent on opiates are among us. They are working at the restaurant where you picked up dinner, your Uber driver, your co-worker and even someone in your own family.

Our president calls attention to the epidemic and people die daily, yet there is still this level of total denial. How can we change this? What are the first steps? Will dedicating a week be of use and how can each of us continue to decrease the stigma and increase the awareness?

Dr. Sanders

AToN Center 888-535-1516

After Your Loved One or Friend Gets Out of Treatment

July 8, 2016 // by Aton Center

After your loved one or friend gets out of treatment, you’ll likely want to support him or her as much as possible. While there are many things you can do to ensure that you are not enabling your loved one, there are also more simple actions you can take to empower your friend and make their recovery walk just a little bit easier. So whether you’re an ally to coworkers, acquaintances, friends or family, follow these recommendations in order to best support people in recovery who are getting used to a new lifestyle in an often unfamiliar and challenging environment.

1. Dispel myths. Unfortunately, it is not uncommon to hear many misconceptions about people in recovery. Although almost every American is impacted by addiction in some way, we tend to act like it is something that only happens to other people. If you hear a falsehood about addiction or recovery, speak up! Some of the most common myths are: people in recovery don’t have fun, people in recovery cannot be trusted, addicted people cannot recover, people in recovery can relapse at any moment, and you can spot someone with an addiction just by looking at them.

2. Speak respectfully and with compassion about people with substance use concerns. Remember, they are people first. When we casually call someone a drunkard, junkie, alkie, stoner, cokehead, boozer etc., we can trivialize the seriousness of the situation and shame people at the same time.

3. Be open to doing activities with your loved one that don’t revolve around substance use. What can you both do together where alcohol is not the main focus? Having fun in early recovery is important for your loved one, and they need to know you support them. One great way to do that is to engage in healthy and fun recreational activities together.

4. Discuss drinking and using around them beforehand so they can make an informed choice. If you’re best friend is newly sober, be understanding if they opt out of attending your birthday party at a bar. They may just not feel comfortable doing so, and having your support will mean a lot. If you discuss a potentially risky event beforehand, they’ll be less likely to feel pressured and they’ll be able to clearly think through things and make a wise choice.

5. Don’t “out” them. Do not ever share your friend’s story without their permission. Addiction and recovery are very personal matters for many people, and it is up to them how they decide to disclose these things to outsiders. It is not your responsibility to do it for them.

6. If you don’t know, ASK! Everyone in recovery is unique and has their own preferences, desires and dislikes. Your loved one is not suddenly an alien just because they get sober! Ask them how they would like you to handle things in order to best support them, and just do the best you can.

In summary, there is a lot you can do to be helpful to your newly sober loved one. While it is true that people in recovery are responsible for their own choices, and in the end what they decide to do is outside of your control, you can still make their journey just a little bit easier by being a supportive force in their life. Remember, AToN is here to answer any questions you may have and we can connect you with support networks. Thankfully, you don’t have to figure it out alone.

Dr. Zucker
AToN Psychologist 888-535-1516

Don’t Forget Your Past, Learn From It

March 29, 2016 // by Aton Center

Often in my work with AToN residents we happen across the difficult issue of what perspective to take on one’s personal history. This can either be issues related to their family of origin or mistakes that they have made during their addiction.

Many people want to take on a “get over it” kind of attitude where they want to bury the past and just move on believing that they can muscle through their past mistakes and just not do them again.

I’ve often advocated for taking a more direct approach to one’s personal history. The goal is not to dwell upon the past, but to learn from it. You don’t want to “get over it,” you want to “get through it.” If you take the time for personal reflection then you can learn from your experiences and prior mistakes. It is a more difficult process to face down the past but in doing so you will become more connected and complete.

Chad K. Cox PsyD
AToN Center 888-535-1516

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