“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” Mark Twain
We all experience anger, and all emotions are valid. The thinking behind the anger may not be, and could very well be distorted. In order to have better mastery of our feelings, thoughts, and behavior, we must begin to first explore what’s underneath.
Anger is a surface emotion, be curious the next time you feel anger. Ask yourself these questions to gain some insight and to find relief.
- Why am I angry? This may start with finger pointing but find the source. It is important to identify the situational context of the anger.
- How did this incident really make me feel? Be vulnerable and the answer should be clear – common underlying feelings are disappointment, entitlement, fear, shame, guilt, and powerlessness. Knowing the answer diminishes the intensity of the anger (relief).
- Why was this underlying feeling so intolerable? This is where the more insightful work happens. What are the themes in your life around that emotion? Is this influenced by your past experiences?
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