healthy relationships

Agreeing with the Critic

February 2, 2018 // by Aton Center

When a person is in their active addiction they often find blunt and tactless ways of sustaining their use. Defensiveness can be a significant problem in early recovery as a person is still accustomed to protecting and maintaining their habit.

Many residents at the AToN Center describe experiences of friends or family members trying to confront them on their intoxicated behaviors to which the response is to shut down any feedback at all. Often, this is done by focusing on a less relevant detail that detracts form the main issue at hand. This can take the form of arguing about how much you really had to drink or the exact number of days where the person was using.

The idea of agreeing with the critic is not that you agree with everything that another person says but that you learn to accept the parts of the feedback that are true. If someone brings up your use, find a way to agree with the feedback, look for the truth in what they are trying to share with you about your behaviors so that you will be better able to change them and work towards a healthy recovery. Imagine saying, “I didn’t drink on that particular day but it is true that there have been many more than I have.”

Chad K. Cox PsyD
AToN Center 888-535-1516

Drinking Alcohol And Using Drugs

November 4, 2017 // by Aton Center

We humans are communal by nature. We depend on each other for our physical, social, emotional, and spiritual needs. Drinking alcohol and using drugs, however, separate us from our community.

That separation fuels the addictive cycle and causes further negative consequences. Part of the recovery process is the re-organization of that community.

Letting go of old drinking and using associations, nurturing new healthy relationships, and re-building the relationships with those who might have been negatively affected by the disease are all part of the process. Gradually, we can regain a place within the community.

We can participate, alongside others, in developing a lifestyle that unifies us, as opposed to separating us.

Patricia Brady, AToN Center Co-Founder
888-535-1516

Fall Recovery

October 6, 2017 // by Aton Center

I love seeing the leaves change and the weather cool in the fall season. What I think of most is how building healthy relationships and having warmth in our hearts can be so supportive to recovery from addiction.

At AToN Center we encourage Building Sober Support to sustain all the seasons of life. From family and friends to professional care to new healthy communities and most of all the relationships formed around the experience of suffering from something that robbed one of a life worth living.

We encourage our residents to reach out for help, meet new individuals, attend community support groups, and become familiar with resources available to aid in supporting us beyond our wildest dreams.

Kristin Colton CATC-II,
Chemical Dependency Counselor
AToN Center 888-535-1516

Motivation for Sobriety

July 29, 2017 // by Aton Center

In the early stages of recovery it can be difficult to sort out your motivation for treatment. Your addiction may be like many others where social relationships have been severely affected and you are getting negative feedback from every direction. Your parents could be upset. Your spouse could be mad. Your kids could be sick of seeing you distant and hurting.

These relationships can be the start of your desire for sobriety. However, it is often very difficult to sustain this kind of external motivation over the long run. Being sober for friends and family is a noble pursuit but there is very likely to be the moment when you are by yourself, away from those relationships, and your addiction will start to call out to you.

It will say, “They will never find out. You’re not hurting anyone else. It will be just a few drinks. You deserve something for yourself.” My advice to fight back against these messages is to see the positive relationships as an extension of your internal dedication to recovery.

The ultimate battleground is between your two ears and the benefits of sobriety will come from focusing on strengthening your resolve and motivation to do the work that is necessary.

Chad K. Cox PsyD
AToN Center 888-535-1516

Family and Recovery

July 9, 2017 // by Aton Center

In working with the residents of the AToN Center I often see how their interactions with friends and family members can both improve or detract from a person’s work in recovery.

Many times people are in relationships with others that are using. In this case the decision to get sober is likely to strongly affect the relationship. Many people may even fear that if they get sober that they will loose their relationships altogether.

The difficult truth is that as you change, your relationships are likely to change as well. This can create both distance or increased intimacy, but it is not always clear which one it will be. I am convinced though that when a person makes changes for their own personal betterment and gets sober, that this will lead to better relationship outcomes in the long run.

For example, some people are afraid that they will become a social outcast, but many times people receive encouraging messages that their sobriety has prompted friends and family to consider taking the same step. Putting one’s self at the center of their recovery is the mechanism for their own improvement, while also being able to develop healthy long term relationships with others.

AToN Center 888-535-1516

The Three Pillars of Human Spirituality

June 10, 2017 // by Aton Center

The shamans, healers, sages, and wisdom keepers of all times, all continents, and all peoples, in their ageless wisdom, say that human spirituality is composed of three aspects: relationships, values, and life purpose. These three components are so tightly integrated that it may be hard to separate them from each other. But if this were possible, take a moment to reflect on each aspect of human spirituality to determine the status of your spiritual well-being. This will be a monthly, three part series, beginning with relationships.

Relationships:

In simple terms, there are two categories of relationships: internal (your domestic policy)—how you deal with yourself, how you nurture the relationship with yourself and your higher self—and external (your foreign policy)—how you relate, support, and interact with those people (and all living entities) in your environment.

How would you evaluate your internal relationship and what steps could you take to cultivate it?

Moving from the aspect of domestic policy to foreign policy, how would you evaluate your external relationships?

Paul Aguirre
CD Counselor

AToN Center 888-535-1516

AToN Center’s 6 Foundations of Recovery

January 8, 2017 // by Aton Center

In an effort to eliminate the presence of self-destructive and maladaptive behaviors, we subscribe to these basic principles:

AToN Center’s 6 Foundations of Recovery:

1. Maintain motivation: AToN Center believes that motivation can be built rather than it needing to already exist prior to entering treatment. Building motivation makes a significant difference when facing the temptations to leave treatment, discontinue IOP, or cease going to meetings. Having the motivation to adhere to structure can assist in the prevention of relapse.

2. Cope with craving: Cravings will only last for a period of time and therefore, developing the capacity to wait through them contributes to experiencing cravings less frequently and less intensely.

3. Manage emotions: Emotional flooding is a trigger for relapse. Applying CBT principles like thought records assist clients in identifying irrational thought patterns and emotional responses. Utilizing these tools can assist clients in developing the ability to manage their emotions effectively.

4. Nurture healthy relationships: Assertiveness training and developing communication skills are important components of the recovery process. AToN Center encourages the building of relationships that will aide in our client’s recovery, while taking a hard look at the ones that aren’t. Solid relationships are helpful to a clients’ overall recovery.

5. Balance your life: Balancing physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual components assist in maintaining recovery. Being out of balance contributes to relapse, and therefore it is important that clients recognize how to care for themselves in each of these areas.

6. Live with a higher purpose: Being of service and getting “out of self” allows clients the opportunity to give back, while also developing a sense of purpose and esteem.

AToN Center Addiction Treatment Center San Diego 888-535-1516

Trust

May 3, 2013 // by Aton Center

A common struggle I see with the residents at the AToN Center is the trust deficit that often develops between themselves and their family, friends or co-workers. Maintaining an addiction over any period of time often means a person becomes deceptive, withdrawn, inconsistent or even hostile. The addiction demands one’s energy, attention and time. Therefore relationships often suffer and do not get attention they deserve. It can be a painful step to become more honest about the control that the addiction has asserted in your life. This may even mean acknowledging to those in your life that you had made a quiet decision to put the drugs or alcohol ahead of these relationships. However, once a person acknowledges the power of the addiction to themselves, they can then start to rebuild honest and open relationships with others. At times this can be a very difficult process as those around you may be skeptical or doubtful of your efforts. But with a good dose of humility you can see these suspicions as a healthy challenge. If they are saying “I don’t believe you” then you can focus on “I will work to earn your trust by behaving in a trustworthy manner.” This way you can take ownership of the addiction, your previous behaviors and work towards building healthy relationships again.

Chad K. Cox, PsyD

Licensed Psychologist

healthy relationships

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